Giving Up Power

Tonight is a first in our house. I've officially given up the power of the monitor. I'm to sick to really care at this point. R was kind enough to take D for the evening and leave me to hibernate in my germ invested bed. Then tonight he took the monitor and put my fan on high to block out any noise of "during the night screams." I explained to D while I was putting him to bed tonight that it isn't because I don't love him, but I need sleep. I haven't had any all week. Plus, I've really sucked at being a fun mom this week too. I hope he understood. He seems to be getting round two of this stupid never ending cold now too. I feel like I've been sick for three months. I'm beginning to get a little frustrated. All day today I kept thinking, "how in the world would I be doing this with two?" Before I let the thought of that sink in, I took a deep breath and just decided to be happy that I only had one child to chase around today.

It is a weird feeling. Not having a child responsibility tonight. I hope I can let go of that thought and relax and get some serious sleep. Lord knows I could use it.