Thoughts

I'm not sure if it is the weather or possiblly the cabin fever I'm severly suffering right now, but I find myself thinking about my pre-mommy life a lot lately. I love being a mom don't get me wrong, but I wish someone would have explained to me the pull you feel between being a mom and giving up your "pre-baby self." I don't think men get this at all. I mean, I was a very goal oriented person. Loved working, had a great job. Enjoyed MOST of the people I worked with, cough cough. I knew in my heart I wanted to have a family and be a mom. I count myself lucky that I was able to learn from my first failed marriage to make this one that much better. I guess being shut up in a house for this long makes me want to be more motivated, creative....instead I find myself watching Barney, Backyardigans and Elmo next to my 14 months old. The sad part is I will look over and he is playing with trucks and I realize I'm really the one that has watched 30 minutes of "I love you, you love me..." Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that I have the ability to stay at home and raise my son. For the most part, I love it. I just wonder sometimes if other moms feel this way. Maybe stay at home dads feel this way to, I just haven't come across any in my lifetime. Oh well, I guess it just feels better to get those thoughts out. Spring can't come soon enough. Lots more to do outside and lots more activities to keep me busy. That is the way I like it!